Who I am (when I'm not in pain)

Some days I wake up already exhausted.

Some nights I overthink until I can’t even remember what peace feels like.

And sometimes, I honestly forget who I was before the diagnoses

Before the trauma

Before my body started to fail me

But there’s still a version of me underneath it all

A version that’s still alive

Still me

So let me remind you...

And remind her too...

• I’m the girl who captures everything

Photos. Videos. TikTok edits of my life. My pets. My favorite shows. I freeze moments because I feel them... and I don’t want to forget

• I love organizing. Cleaning. Resetting my space and especially detailing my car

Give me a clean space and a good playlist and I feel like I’m breathing again

• I love a good workout. The kind that leaves me tired, sore, and proud

Where the tired turns into strength. The pain turns into power. The endorphins hit and I feel reset

Pre-workout in hand. Post-gym energy drink after. Hydro massage and that cold cold sip of water to end it. Heaven

• I’m the girl who walks into the nail salon overwhelmed and walks out brand new

The massage chair. The warm towel. The fresh color. The little moment that says, “I took care of me today”

• And when I get my hair done? Girl, I feel unstoppable

Like I left behind something heavy and stepped into something lighter. It’s more than a hairstyle. It’s a reset. A new hotter and more confident version of me.

• I love packing. I love flights. I love hotels

Suitcases. Airports. Hotel air. It’s not just about leaving. It’s about the freedom to go and the memories made and adventure along the way. The unknown.

• I love a deep tissue massage that melts my whole body into the table

And don’t even get me started on a good chiropractic adjustment. Those cracks are holy.

• I love my animals like they’re little pieces of my heart

Shadow’s been with me through it all. Zen is our newest addition and Nova makes me laugh again after Axel...They’re not just pets. They’re family. They see me. They're not just mine. They're ours.

• I love date nights with my husband and date days with my mom, or my best friend

Shopping. Food. Laughter. Vibes. Love. The kind of days that feel like sunlight

• I love pulling into the Starbucks drive-thru for my iced latte

Sometimes I try something new. It’s hit or miss

But those days when they nail it? I swear it’s the best coffee I’ve ever had

And I say that every time. Because in that moment… it is

• I love the moment my Amazon package finally arrives

You’ve been waiting. Checking the tracking like it’s your job. And then ...bam. Doorbell

You tear it open like it’s Christmas morning.

• I feel closest to God when I’m praying alone. Crying in worship. Soaking in a sermon that hits too close

Church isn’t something I do. It’s where I breathe again. Where I remember who I am and whose I am.

• I love dancing when no one’s watching. Singing like I’m in a music video

Painting what I can’t say out loud. Creating beauty out of chaos.

• I smell every candle in the candle aisle like it’s a sacred mission. My hobby. My happy place.

Don’t rush me. I’m finding my mood. My seasonal identity. My memory. My peace in a jar

• I love sunsets at the beach ...watching the sky melt into the water

And I love the beach at night even more. When it’s quiet. Still. Empty

When I can just close my eyes, listen to the waves, and let everything else disappear

• I’m a lover. A fighter. A feeler. A survivor

Even when I’m tired. Even when I flare. Even when I fall apart. I always get back up

That’s what makes me me

I’m not just BPD. Not just fibromyalgia. Not just OCD.

I am not just physically disabled and Mentally ill...

I’m not just tired or triggered or trying to hold it together....

I’m still the same girl underneath it all...

And she still dreams...

Still feels...

Still believes God is doing something in all of this ....even when it hurts...

Especially when it hurts.

> “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”-John 1:5

Kristen, Unfiltered Xo 💋