The night I found out there was a cure

I was scrolling TikTok one night. Probably avoiding my feelings...

Let’s be real.

When a video stopped me in my tracks.

It was a woman talking about how BPD is fully healable. Not manageable, as I've always heard...No...She said healable - like Gone.

Her name was Ashley Zahabian. And I had never heard anyone say that before.

I listened to her words like my life depended on it.

She broke down what’s really going on beneath borderline personality disorder.

It wasn’t just abandonment and fears as I've always heard in therapy..no that's just scratching the surface...

It was something deeper: I heard words like..."identity fragmentation" "fantasy distortion" etc

IThat was the night everything changed.

Because for the first time, someone wasn’t just telling me to just cope.... they were telling me I could be healed.

That there was a roadmap.

The comments were just flying in the comment section and someone mentioned they were still splitting and relating to that....

I commented:

“How do I stop splitting?”

Ashley read my comment out loud and said:

“If you’re still splitting, it means you’re not integrated yet.”

I had no idea what integrated even meant, but her words hit me so hard.

I sat up in bed.

It felt like someone had just handed me a thread of hope I didn’t even know I was looking for.

I was immediately intrigued.

I truly believe God placed that video on my feed that night....

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When I Was Diagnosed

When I got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in 2019 at 23 years old, I was told there was no cure.

My own therapist told my mom that most people with BPD end their life by 25.

Everything I ever read or saw online just confirmed that.

And all I ever heard and saw was:

•Manage your symptoms.

•Cope better.

•Take the meds.

•Do DBT therapy.

Not once did I ever hear words like healed, integrated, whole, cure, or free.

Everything was about numbing it and masking it.

Avoiding the breakdown.

But not once did anyone ever say we could actually stop living this way....

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The Deep Dive

After that TikTok, I went down a full-blown rabbit hole of research into her and her program.

I devoured every video I could find from Ashley.

I followed her on every platform.

Looked up the website.

I read through comments.

I stayed up late reading, watching videos , i remember crying...feeling hope light up inside me.

Ashley even offered a free 45-minute call to explain the program and before I knew it, I was signed up...

My parents paid for it as an investment into my healing ( Best gift ever) and I started in late December.

I’m currently in Module 3 of 8. The full program includes eight powerful, transformative modules.

And let me be clear - I still have a therapist, mainly for my OCD.

But when it comes to my BPD?

This program is literally enough. It’s everything I need.

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So What Is the Integrate BPD Program?

Ashley created a step-by-step program based on her therapy model called Reality Integration Therapy (RIT).

It’s rooted in object relations theory and psychoanalysis.

It’s real, raw, and it breaks down the three phases of healing in a way I’d never seen before.

It's like college all over again though ha, it's a lot of material...but I'm learning so much...and I LOVE learning.

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Here’s How It Works:

PHASE ONE: Fantasy Dismantling

This phase blew my mind.

We start by identifying the “fantasy narratives” we carry - the stories in our head where people are either all good or all bad.

You know… splitting.

The people who were “everything” to me suddenly became “nothing.”

The people I trusted felt unsafe the moment they disappointed me.

And I couldn’t stop it.

It felt like a light switch flipping in my chest.

Ashley teaches how to dismantle those distorted lenses.

You learn how your brain made those stories to protect you -but they’re not true.

You don’t just read about it… you feel it.

Through journaling, live workshops, and videos, I started to see patterns I never noticed.

That wasn’t emotional dysregulation - that was unintegrated pain driving my perception.

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PHASE TWO: Separation & Individuation

This one hit hard.

You learn how to emotionally separate from the people you’ve fused with.

It’s not about cutting people off.

It’s about finding out where you end and they begin.

For me, it was realizing I’ve never really had a stable sense of self.

I was always who you needed me to be.

The good girl. The fixer. The one who forgives everything.

Under all of that was just a lost version of me just trying to survive...

I also learned that I haven't truly grieved all of the loss and abandonment and the last few months...Let me tell you that hit....hard...

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PHASE THREE: Whole Object Relations

This is where the healing settles in.

You start learning to see people - and yourself - in full color.

Not black or white. Not perfect or evil.

Just human. Flawed. Beautiful.

as in Both/and.

You learn how to repair conflict instead of burn bridges.

How to feel anger without losing love.

How to let go of control without losing your mind.

The emotional chaos starts to soften.

The relationships around you begin to reflect your healing inside.

I didn’t think I’d ever get to this place.

I thought I was just the way I was ...and for life.

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The Truth About Fragmentation

One of the biggest things I’ve learned is what fragmentation actually means.

For the first time, someone explained that my trauma was so intense, it literally split parts of my personality.

That’s why splitting happens. It’s not random mood swings.

It’s not “just being sensitive.”

It’s unintegrated parts of me fighting to be seen, safe, and soothed.

Integration means pulling those fractured parts back together -becoming one whole, grounded self.

And honestly, it makes me angry that this isn’t taught everywhere.

I went seven years without knowing any of this.

Seven years of trying to manage something I didn’t even understand.

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My Experience So Far:

The program is mostly self-paced, which I love - especially living with chronic illness and OCD.

But once a week, Ashley does Zoom lectures with teaching, Q&A, and encouragement that feels like a soul reset.

We also have access to a Discord community full of others going through the program.

Some are just starting. Some are on their last module.

But everyone understands the emotional storm.

No judgment- just raw, real healing.

We talk through setbacks, encourage eachother and heal together ❤️

Just three modules in, and all the journaling along the way… taking notes… writing things down that hit me right in the chest…

I’m already noticing how different I’m thinking ... softer, slower, clearer, and you know ... more whole and integrated.

Because I realized... I haven’t had a splitting episode in months....I haven't felt true and dark anger in months... There are setbacks, of course but it's not the same as before this program...

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This Isn’t Like DBT

Don’t get me wrong- DBT helped me survive.

But this isn’t about survival anymore.

It’s about wholeness.

DBT taught me to breathe through a breakdown.

Integrate taught me why I was breaking in the first place!!

This isn’t surface-level. This is core.

And the craziest part? You actually graduate...

This isn’t something you do forever. There’s an end point.

A version of you that’s whole, integrated, and no longer meets the BPD criteria at all.

This isn’t just education. It’s rewiring. It’s healing.

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The 8 Modules of Healing:

Here’s a breakdown of what the full program looks like -I’m still on Module 3, but I’ve read ahead and I’m excited for what’s next:

Module 1: Introduction to Reality Integration Therapy

You learn what BPD really is underneath the label. It’s not just about big feelings- it’s about identity, fragmentation, and distorted object-relations. For me, this module gave me hope. Because it finally made sense.

Module 2: Identifying Fantasy Narratives

This one made me cry, not gonna lie. You start seeing the stories your brain writes -the “I’m unlovable,” the “they’re either perfect or evil,” the fear-based scripts that feel so real in the moment. You learn how to stop letting those fantasies rule your life.

Module 3: Exploring Object Relations (where I am now)

This is deep. You start tracing back your earliest emotional templates -the way you learned to view people and relationships as a child. I’ve uncovered so much about why I panic when people pull away… why I idealize and then cut people off… why I flip between love and hate. It’s all connected to early emotional memories I never even realized were still running the show and are coming back for me, painfully.

Module 4: Separation & Individuation

Learning where you end and others begin. Building a self that stands on its own.

Module 5: Grieving & Letting Go

Finally facing the pain and unmet needs I’ve buried for years.

Module 6: Whole Object Relations

Seeing people in full color, not just black or white.

Module 7: Consolidating Identity

Becoming someone steady, not just a mirror of others.

Module 8: Maintenance & Relapse Prevention

Creating a long-term plan to stay integrated and stable.

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A Cycle I’m Committed to Breaking

One of the things I’ve learned through this program is how narcissists often create borderlines… and how borderlines, in turn, can create narcissists. That shook me. It made so much sense, but it also broke my heart. Hurt people do hurt people- sometimes without even realizing it. I’ve made it my prayer and my commitment that this cycle ends with me. I’m doing the work now because I want to be healed- truly healed -long before I ever become a mother. I want my future children to know safety, stability, and love that isn’t distorted by trauma. And I believe that with God, and this healing path, that’s more than possible. It’s promised.

I’ll never forget the day I found that TikTok.

It felt like God was saying:

This is how you heal.

If you’ve ever thought:

I can’t live like this anymore.

If you’ve ever been told you’re “too much,” “broken,” or “always going to be like this” -

Please hear me when I say:

You’re not.

There’s a path.....

And I’m walking it now....

I’m not fully there yet....

I’m still learning...I’m still growing.... I’m still integrating....

But for the first time in a long time…

I actually believe I’m gonna get there.

There’s nothing wrong with you....

You’re just not integrated....and there’s a way back to wholeness.

🙏 💓 💪

> “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” -Psalm 147:3

Kristen, Unfiltered Xo 💋