🥄 A Day Measured in spoons

I start the day with 20 spoons

That’s all the energy I have, and I never know how long they’ll last.

Every choice either saves one or spends one.

Living with fibromyalgia means my body feels like it’s already halfway through the day before it even begins.

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Morning

Stay in bed (1 spoon) or Get up (3 spoons)

I get up.

It takes effort just to sit, stretch, and find balance.

My body feels the ache In my spine and Joints before my feet even touch the floor, especially then.

17 spoons left.

Skip the shower (1) or Take a shower (8)

I take the shower.

Hot water runs down my back as my forehead rests against the wall.

Lifting my arms feels like lifting weights. My shoulders burn, my back tightens, and standing too long makes the room spin.

Then I switch the water to cold... a shock that jolts me awake, like my body’s way of saying, not yet, we’re not done.

I wrap up in a warm towel and sit to rest before I can even think about what’s next.

9 spoons left.

Stay in my robe (1) or Get ready(7)

I get dressed, even if it’s just pajamas.

I sit in my rolling chair, lotion my skin, and rub Chiro Cream and Biofreeze into my back, neck, and shoulders.

The burn stings, then soothes.

I take my meds .... the lifelines that keep the pain from swallowing me whole.

By now, my body’s tired again, but the day hasn’t even started.

2 spoons left.

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Afternoon

Therapy (4) or Cancel (0)

Today...I cancel.

It’s not avoidance.... it’s choosing peace over pushing myself into a flare.

Some days, even a phone call takes more energy than I can give.

2 spoons left.

Physical therapy (6) or Rest (0)

I rest.

The drive there, the movement, the strain.....It all costs too much.

Sometimes I have to skip what’s meant to help me just to survive the day.

2 spoons left.

Respond to Mom’s Marco Polo (2) or Just watch (1)

Today...I just watch.

I listen to her voice and smile inside at her words.

Responding takes more ...the tone, the energy, the facial expressions...

Sometimes love looks like quiet.

1 spoon left.

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Evening

Play with Nova (4) or Cuddle Shadow (0)

I cuddle Shadow.

His purrs slow my breathing, his warmth calms the ache.

He doesn’t take energy from me .... he gives peace back.

Leave the dishes (1) or Do them (8)

I do them.

It’s not just bending or reaching .... it’s the standing.

The long stretches of holding myself up while my spine throbs.

Sometimes I can knock it out quickly, with my tens unit sending electrical zaps through me...sometimes I take breaks to finish.

That’s when the warning lights start flashing...My body’s signal that I’m done for the day...

-Negative 7 spoons

That’s it.

That’s my day.

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Night

When the house finally quiets, I eat, rest, and watch something simple... something that doesn’t ask much of me.

When Adrian gets home, we sit together, and those small moments remind me I’m still me beneath the pain.

I take my melatonin and muscle relaxers, the only way I can convince my body to let go.

I turn and shift, searching for a position that doesn’t hurt.

There’s never true peace unless I’m unconscious, and even then, I wake for new ice packs ... one for my back, one for my head.

Sometimes I fall asleep out of exhaustion.

Other nights, I pray myself into rest.

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Living with chronic illness means every task is a choice... to shower or skip it, to push or pause, to speak or stay silent.

Each one costs something.

Some days the pain is so bad I can’t even get myself to the emergency room.

If Adrian isn’t here, I have to call an ambulance just to make it there safely.

Other days I’m fighting just to crawl from the bed to the couch and back again.

And some days I don’t speak about it, but I feel every bit of it.

I started Kristen Unfiltered...

To tell the truth about life with chronic illness ...not the version that looks brave or polished, but the real version, where faith meets pain and honesty becomes healing.

There are mornings I wake up already with negative spoons...and getting out of bed doesn't happen.

Then there are days I start with twenty spoons and manage to do a little more... shower, get dressed, make dinner, laugh, connect.

Those are the days I hold close.

The days I feel a glimpse of the me I was before chronic illness took over my life completely.

Because when you live with pain, even the smallest bit of strength feels like a miracle.

And I thank God for every one of those days.

I first read about Spoon Theory in the chronic illness community ...how a woman used spoons to explain limited energy to a friend.

When I learned what it meant, it finally clicked.

I started thinking about my own spoons... how I spend them, what drains them, and what little things help me keep a few for tomorrow.

It taught me to see my limits not as weakness, but as wisdom.

And to thank God for every single spoon I still have.

> “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint. ”Isaiah 40:29–31

Kristen, Unfiltered Xo 💋