25 lessons for a Thriving Marriage

Marriage is both a gift and a responsibility. It is a daily choice to love, grow, forgive, and build together. These lessons, drawn from real experience, are the things that have shaped our marriage, healed our hearts, and taught us what love really looks like in action.

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1. Say “I love you” every night.

One day you may find the other side of the bed empty and wish you had said it more often. Never underestimate the power of three simple words that tie your hearts together through both ordinary nights and extraordinary seasons.

For example: Last night I was upset with my husband over how he handled a recent conversation. But I still tucked him in, hugged him, and said I love you just as I always do. Because sometimes it’s the mind that’s angry but the heart still cares.

2. Never keep score.

Love is not a competition of who gives more or sacrifices more. Keeping tally builds resentment. See your relationship as a partnership where both give freely, not to gain the upper hand, but to nurture the bond you share.

For example: We do a weekly check-in with two simple questions: Is there anything you need that I haven’t been giving you? and What’s one thing you will actively work on this week to improve our marriage? These two questions have really helped us because they make space for honesty, accountability, and growth without turning our love into a competition.

3. Laugh until you cry.

Laughter is medicine for the soul. When shared, it smooths life’s inevitable bumps.

For example: After a really bad day or during hard seasons, we’ve had moments where we just laugh, and everything else dissipates until it’s just him and me. We don’t cancel plans. We do it anyway, even if we’re upset. Just putting on that movie leads to laughter, soft hearts, little touches, and sometimes as simple as I’m sorry, I love you. It doesn’t always have to be complicated. And it’s not always about conflict either. Some of our favorite memories are nights we went out, got a little too drunk, and laughed so hard we cried. Those are the moments that remind us marriage is about joy too.

4. Never stop dating.

Continue to pursue one another. Small dates and sweet surprises remind you both that romance isn’t reserved for the beginning. It’s the heartbeat of your marriage.

For example: There have been multiple times where we thought we hit a boring patch, but just one date night and a few moments of real connection had us feeling even more in love than ever. Marriages don’t just get boring on their own. It happens when one or both stop trying.

5. Do one act of service daily without seeking credit.

Love doesn’t have to be loud. It’s often in the quiet details.

For example: Today I hung a fresh washcloth in the shower and put out a clean towel because I know how much he loves it. It’s little things like that that make the other realize wow they were thinking of me. He does the same for me, like leaving notes on the fridge. You don’t have to announce it. They’ll see it.

6. Don’t delay hard conversations.

Time doesn’t heal silence. Truth does.

For example: I always speak up the moment something upsets me and encourage him to do the same. It doesn’t give Satan room to play in our heads or for assumptions to take root. It leaves space for love, growth, and peace.

7. Don’t fear sadness. It lives beside love.

Sadness is proof of how deeply you care.

For example: When something hurts me, I’ve learned to take that sadness to my husband, not out on him. Saying I was hurt when opens the door for healing and comfort. Sometimes love shows up most clearly in those soft, teary moments when you’re still choosing each other.

8. No one argues their way to happiness.

Winning an argument at the cost of connection isn’t victory.

For example: We’re both prideful and strong-willed, so when we argue it can be intense. We had to learn we’re not fighting each other, we’re fighting for us. The goal is peace, not being right.

9. It won’t always be fifty-fifty.

Some days you’ll carry more. Other days, they will.

For example: Being married to someone with chronic illness means some days I can only give ten percent and he carries more. Other times, when he’s struggling, I carry it. That’s partnership. It balances in love.

10. Keep your individuality.

You can be one while still being you.

For example: We used to do everything together, but now we embrace our own hobbies. He games, I write or watch my shows, and then we reconnect over dinner or a movie. It’s healthy space, not distance.

11. When in doubt, choose love.

Sometimes your feelings catch up later.

For example: There have been moments where I was still upset, but I reached out and put my hand next to his, and he took it. The act of love often brings the feeling back.

12. Fix the small cracks.

Don’t let little hurts grow into big divides.

For example: We make it a habit to bring up things as they happen, even if it’s small. That honesty has protected our peace more than anything else.

13. Never raise your voice.

Respect keeps doors open.

For example: We created a rule of no yelling and no cussing. When emotions rise, one of us says it’s time to pause and come back later. It’s saved so many arguments from turning into damage.

14. See marriage as a work in progress.

You don’t need perfect. You need effort.

For example: Divorce isn’t an option for us. As long as two people love each other and are under God, nothing can separate them. The grass is greener where you water it.

15. Care for yourself, too.

You can’t pour from an empty cup.

For example: I grew up watching my mom put herself last, and I learned from that. Now, self-care is non-negotiable. When I care for myself, my husband feels it too. He says it makes our marriage lighter.

16. Ask if it’s more important to be right or to be married.

Pride builds walls. Humility builds bridges.

For example: We’re both stubborn, and that question, would you rather be right or would you rather stay married, has stopped many fights in their tracks.

17. Protect your marriage from outside interference.

You can’t heal what you keep handing to others.

For example: We used to vent to friends or family but learned that just complicates things. Now we take issues to each other, or if needed, our therapist. Keeping it between us keeps it sacred.

18. Keep romance alive.

It’s not about grand gestures. It’s about consistency.

For example: We do a thirty second kiss and hug every day. I run to the door when he gets home, and on the nights I don’t, he says he misses it. It’s small, but it matters.

19. Treat love as a muscle.

Hard seasons strengthen it.

For example: Every conflict or storm we’ve faced has rebuilt us stronger, like how muscles tear and grow. Pain doesn’t always break love. Sometimes it deepens it.

20. Forgive quickly.

Apologies heal faster than pride ever could.

For example: Saying I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped, or let me start over resets our tone completely. You’d be amazed how fast peace returns.

21. Celebrate small wins.

Keep joy alive in the ordinary.

For example: Some of our best nights were late Cook Out milkshake runs at two a.m. Little things keep marriage light and fun.

22. Be a safe place.

Vulnerability can’t survive fear.

For example: When one of us shares a fear or trigger, we listen with no judgment, no fixing, just love, understanding, and reassurance.

23. Speak kindly in public and private.

Respect is love’s language.

For example: We never speak negatively about each other to anyone. The way you talk about your spouse teaches the world and your heart how to see them.

24. Remember your love is yours.

The world doesn’t need to understand it.

For example: Once we stopped involving others, we stopped doubting what God built between us. If it aligns with His word, that’s all that matters.

25. Embrace imperfection.

There’s no perfect marriage, just two imperfect people who refuse to give up.

For example: We’re two perfectly imperfect souls walking this earth together, trusting that one day, when we’re both in Heaven and on the new earth, everything will finally be made whole. Until then, we hold tight, love harder, and walk with God and Jesus through it all.

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Marriage isn’t about avoiding storms. It’s about learning to dance in the rain together. It’s not about perfection, but about presence. Love is a daily decision, a soft place to land, a hand to hold, and a heart that stays.

Kristen, Unfiltered Xo 💋